So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
