The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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