R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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