Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
