he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
