He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
