I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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