Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
