Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
