Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
