Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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