Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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