It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
