Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
