I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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