I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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