I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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