Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
