not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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