Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
