Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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