Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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