He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
