I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
