Your face is a jimmy john
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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