Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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