so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
