we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
