the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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