Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
