I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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