it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
