I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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