my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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