if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
