she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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