the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
