I puked a lego.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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