I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
