She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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