I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
