If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
