you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
