I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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