oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
