I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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