: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
