This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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