I puked a lego.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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