ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
